Surly in summer

All those things about friendly store assistants I take back. I had Cruella de Ville and her equally surly sister yesterday. One in Barnes and Noble where I was happily spending my father's birthday present to me (a very nice gift voucher), and then one in Century 21 where I was buying some shoes. I seem to end up with a lot of USD100 notes, and these really are not welcome currency around the place. I had to wait for AGES in Century 21 to buy some shoes (I don't know how people work so slowly), and only one register was taking cash - all the others were cards only (?? how does that work, I can understand cash only if the bank systems are down, but cards only??!). So after patiently standing for 10 minutes while one person was served I finally got to the head of the queue. My shoes were USD29.99, and I handed over one of my USD100 notes. This is a large store for those who haven't been, where they have plenty of cash. She looked at it like it was dirt, and sniffed up at me "Do you have anything smaller?" Well, I did, but I wanted the change and had queued for the privilege. So I just said mildly "No, that's why I have queued in your line for 10 minutes". Needless to say we didn't speak again as I completed the transaction.
Maybe it is the heat. The heat is like a wall when you walk outside. A hot sweaty wall. Kind of like a forcefield in a science fiction show, but one where it collapses on you like a big sticky spiders web. Lovely huh? I am, however, breezing through the crowds in a cool summer work dress, snappy high heels and my hair up, large sunglasses and good posture, admired by all who behold me. I like to imagine I am very Audrey Hepburn-esque --- until I catch a glimpse in a window as I walk by and see a medium height, chunky person charging through crowds with people flying out of my way, giving me dirty looks as I elbow them aside. We can all dream I guess - my posture is good though.
People have also become very attached to the two little words "Excuse me". Twice in two days on the weekend I ran into this - the first time was in Wholefoods, as I walked past three large fat people ambling slowly around the store. Well, as I was passing the one on the right, she took a sidestep so I bumped her bag slightly. I kept on walking, as this was one of those unavoidable knocks - she walked into me. If I had been her I would have realised this. She, on the other hand, didn't. "ExxcccUUUUUUUUUSSssse MAAAHYEEEE!" I hear brayed from behind me. "Thasss whut peeple saaaayy when they knock intuh someone, exxccccUUUUSssssse maahhyeeee!" I had had it by this time, so I turned around, smiled very sweetly everywhere but my eyes, and said "Please excuse me for knocking into your bag. It was completely involuntary and I am so sorry for any inconvenience caused to you or your friends". Needless to say intelligence was inversely proportionate to size, and I got a "humph, well thass okay then". Yeah right.
Then yesterday on the tube downtown these two lovely men got on and inadvertently stepped in front of a girl trying to get on as well. They just kept going (which is kind of what you do, as there are some real shovers out there, they really hadn't done anything). Well, for the next few stops, it was all "Waahhl, some people jess doan know how to say exxccuUUUUse mahyeee anymore, why doan people say exccccuuuuUUUUsse me..." You get the picture. So obviously we all need to learn some manners and rediscover excuse me's... Or just start taking taxis everywhere. Tough choice really!